Thoughts From Seminary
My wife Danielle and I have been living in Louisville, KY for over a year now so that I can attend classes on campus at The Southern Baptist Seminary and earn my M.Div. This past year has been formative for our lives and our marriage, we’ve hit highs and lows and the Lord has been faithful through it all. Each day that I step foot on campus I am reminded what a blessing it is that the Lord, in his grace, made a path for us to be here when I at one time felt it was impossible. I’ve never been more sure of anything than the fact that God has called me to be at Southern pursuing the ministry. The calling to ministry is one that burns deep in your bones and no matter how tired or lost you may get on your way that calling never fades away.
Yet, for much of my first year here at Southern I’ve felt lost and distant from God. I took my eyes off the one who called me and kept my head cast down towards earth. Stress and anxiety began to rule over me and lead me away from the Lord. In an attempt to be a good husband, student, and worker I categorically failed at being a follower of Christ and as a result the other areas of my life suffered. Even though the Lord had brought me to Southern I began to lose sight for the very reason I was here. It is truly a sobering thing when you realize you can study about God every day of the week but not truly know or have a relationship with him. If there was one thing I was under-prepared for before coming to seminary, it was the level of spiritual warfare that my wife and I would experience. I lost sight of the wondrous God who sent me and as a result I lost sight of my purpose for being here. I lacked confidence in myself and my abilities which stifled my ability to form friendships. I was in a dark place and sinking fast.
One of my favorite things is to see the phrase “But God” in scripture, because packed within that simple two word phrase is so much rich gospel truth. When you see it you know that scripture is about to describe some great act of divine power, mercy, or grace by God on our behalf. We owe everything to God and he in turns owes nothing to us, nothing happens apart from God’s will. Which is why I am so thankful that I can say“But God did not leave nor forsake me.” (Deut 31:6 paraphrased). God has brought me back after wandering around in despair and self-doubt for a year. He has given me back to me the passion and vision I once had before I came to Southern. I am once more reminded by God why he has called me and what he has called me for. I feel that Gospel fire being kindled in my belly once more. When I moved to Louisville I became so focused on getting good grades and graduating with a degree that I forgot the Lord has not ultimately called me to get a degree but to serve in the ministry and preach the Gospel. That is why I am here.
I have always struggled with the question of whether I should be a church planter or revitalize an existing church. I am still not certain the direction God is calling me but I’ve felt him begin to tug on my heart, leading me in a familiar way once more. There is one thing that I know and it is that I am called to proclaim the Gospel to an unbelieving world that hates the cross. I have always been burdened to witness and evangelize to those who are hostile to our faith and it is that burden that the Lord, in his mercy, has rekindled in my heart. Wherever God sends Danielle and I once I graduate Southern I know that the Lord is going to put unbelievers, skeptics, and atheists in my path. There is a city which I feel like the Lord may be calling us to but I cannot say if it is with any certainty yet. And yet, I am incredibly excited and thankful that the Lord has given me my passion and vision for ministry once more.
Moving forward I pray that the Lord continues to make more clear the path he has set out before me. That I will be filled with the Holy Spirit and a joyful heart will be evident within me. I have often felt that life is not worth living if it is not full of adventure, adventure for the sake of Christ. I pray that the Lord helps me to continue to see the adventure in every day life and to not take for granted this time of preparation and study. I am also going to be praying and actively seeking more ways to serve my neighbors, community, church, and city while Danielle and I are here in Louisville. I don’t want to just know things about God, I want to walk with God and see him work in peoples lives.
-Matt
